A Defending Crusader…

The best defense is to be good and offensive…or something like that.

Archive for the ‘Comedy’ Category

Humor

Posted by Godefroi on March 26, 2009

Shamelessly stolen from Omri:

The Israeli representative to the United Nations rose to speak: “Before beginning my talk I want to tell you a fable about Moses. When he struck the rock and it brought forth water, he thought, ‘What a good opportunity to have a bath!’ Removing his clothes, he put them aside and entered the water. When he got out and looked around, he realized that his clothes had vanished. A Palestinian had stolen them.”The Palestinian representative jumped up from his seat and shouted back furiously: “What are you talking about? The Palestinians weren’t even around back then!”

The Israeli representative smiled and said “OK, now that we’ve got that out of the way…”

Posted in Comedy, Israel | Leave a Comment »

HONK!

Posted by Godefroi on March 5, 2009

Honk!

Posted in Comedy | Leave a Comment »

Quote of the Day

Posted by Godefroi on February 5, 2009

Courtesy of In a Handbasket.

“Every month that we do not have an economic recovery package, 500 million Americans lose their jobs” — Nancy Pelosi, February 4, 2009

Beautiful Idiocy, is it not?

Posted in Comedy | 2 Comments »

A Heartfelt Apology

Posted by Godefroi on January 22, 2009

For the record…not Godefroi’s story.  Had to share it though.

Enjoy!

To the Guy Who Mugged Me Downtown Savannah

Date: 2009-01-06, 3:43AM EST

I was the white guy with the black Burberry jacket that you demanded I hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend’s purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come across this message. I’d like to apologize.

I didn’t expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening, and it wasn’t that cold outside. You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It’s a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn’t it?

I know it probably wasn’t a great deal of fun walking back to wherever you’d come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants. I’m sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. I couldn’t have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again. I took the liberty of calling your mother, or “Momma” as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself some gas on your card. I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go’s, along with all of the cash in your wallet, then I threw the wallet itself in a dumpster.

I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell. They’ll be on your bill in case you’d like to know which ones. Alltel recently shut down the line, and I’ve only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I don’t know what’s going on with that. I hope they haven’t permanently cut off your service. I was about to make some threatening phone calls to the DA’s office with it. Oh well.

So, about your pants. I know that I was a little rough on you when you did this whole attempted mugging thing, so I’d like to make it up to you. I’m sure you’ve already washed your pants, so I’d like to help you out. I’d like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on the pants. What brand did you use, and was it liquid or powder? I’d also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I’m hoping that you’ll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky. If you read this message, email me and we’ll do lunch and laundry. Peace!
– Alex

 

 

Posted in 2nd Amendment Right, Comedy | Tagged: , , | 1 Comment »

Too Funny

Posted by Godefroi on January 8, 2009

It’s reported by Israel National News that”

Hamas Accidentally Telecast Pornography

Reported: 07:55 AM – Jan/08/09

(IsraelNN.com) A Hamas technician apparently got bored and viewed an erotic satellite channel, which accidentally was aired on the terrorist organization’s Al Aqsa television station, according to The Middle East Media Research Institute (MEMRI).

The erotic channel was from Poland, and the images were telecast for six minutes on Wednesday until it was taken off the air.

BAH-HA-HA-HA!!!

 

Posted in Comedy | 5 Comments »

An Elevating and Enlightening Conversation

Posted by Godefroi on December 18, 2008

between an apostate from apostasy from The Religion of Peace , and an average Joe Infidel.

My Rendezvous with an infidel
Me= Ibrahim Lone

K=The Infidel (Kafir)
Me: Asalamo Alykom Wa Rehamatullahi Wa Barakatuu

K: Wow! You have a very long name.

ME: Oh! No Sir, it is the Islamic greeting……..

K: (chuckling) Alright! So tell me what you do young man?

ME: I am the servant of Allah; I preach his words.

K: Servant of what? Okay whatever….

ME: Sir, I want to give you an opportunity to change your life.

K: Actually I am very happy the way I am, so thank you.

ME: No Sir, I am not going away; I am here to save you from Hell Fire.

K: Hell fire, what Hellfire?

ME: See how ignorant you are [laughing without showing my teeth, it was forbidden by the Prophet of Allah (PBUH)]

K: My dear, I have a PhD in Quantum Physics and I have written several books on Quantum Physics. I am not really as ignorant as you think I am.

ME: Yes, you are! I can prove it with my superior Islamic logic.

K: (now serious) Okay son, go ahead.

ME: It is my pleasure to give you the great news that Islam is here to save your soul from the  eternal torture in hell.

K: Really and how is that?

ME: Well all you have to do is to recite the Shahada and you will be saved.

K: Wow! Before I do that, why don’t you tell me a few things about your Islam.

ME: Sure sir. First of all Islam is the only true religion of Allah and Muhammad (PBUH) is his prophet.

K: Gee! I am ignorant; tell me about Allah and his Prophet.

ME: Well Allah is the only true God.

K: Is he? Now okay, can you show me Allah?

ME: Yes, after you die you will get to see him.

K: Is that an example of your superior Islamic logic.

ME: Yes sir, wonderful isn’t it. Wait Till I tell you more.

K: I am listening.

ME: Islam is a the most peaceful religion in this world……

K: Really.

ME: Yes and the Quran is the most scientific book in this world.

K: Wait a moment. I read that the Quran says that the earth is flat and that semen is produced from between the ribs and the backbone…

ME: Allahu Akbar, that is a lie. Who told you that?

K: I read it on websites called www.faithfreedom.org and www.islam-watc.org.

ME: Those murtads are liars. They have nothing else to do but lie. Believe me, there is no such thing. Quran is the most scientific book. In fact, if you read the Quran you can become a PhD of all sorts of sciences. There is a man called Dr. Zakir Naik. He also managed to become a doctor just by reading the Quran.

K: You mean that skinny guy who keeps on shouting and telling lies…

ME: Shut up you old fool. How you dare say that about Zakir Bhai? I will kill you.

K: Hey! You told me that Islam is the religion of peace and now you want to kill me for an off the cuff remark.

ME: Okay, alright, now listen to me: Islam teaches universal love peace and brotherhood.

K: Really? And how is that?

ME: Simple! All we Muslims have to do is either to kill or convert the unbelievers and there will be no more war. When every one will be Muslim, there will be peace and brotherhood all around.

K: (Muttering to himself) Some Peaceful religion, huh!

ME: What did you say?

K: Oh, no nothing, carry on.

ME: Well I would also like to tell you that in Islam you can marry four women and have an unlimited number of concubines. You can also divorce your wives whenever you like without having to worry about alimony. You can also beat her as much as like and you won’t have worry about the cops.

K: (shivering now) Alright, go on…

ME: Do you know that Allah has promised 72 beautiful virgins for Muslim men who go to Paradise?

K: Son, I am sorry but I am gay.

ME: Hey! No problem sir, there will also be 28 pearly eyed boys…….

K: Your Allah sounds like some kind of Pimp, man….

ME: Allahu Akbar! I will kill you animal.

K: I am not an animal.

ME: Yes you are. Allah has said in the Quran that Lo! the worst of beasts in Allah’s sight are the deaf, the dumb, who have no sense. [8:22]

K: Goodness, your Allah sounds like a psycho.

ME: Silence you old fool. Let me tell you more about Islam.

K: Silent

ME: Islam does not believe in terrorism actually Islam is against terrorism, the only religion to do so.

K: So what about Osama Bin Laden and the guys in Pakistan, Afghanistan Iraq, Libya, Algeria, Morocco?

ME: Oh no, they are not Muslims. Osama bin Laden is a Yemeni Jew; the Taliban and Pakistani terrorist are actually Hindus who want to disgrace Islam; and the rest of them in Libya, Morocco are Christians pretending to Muslim.

K: I have heard that there are Islamic terrorists in China too…

ME: Shut up or I will kill you for the glory of Allah…. Those Chinese terrorist are Buddhists who are pretending to be Muslims.

K: I really don’t think someone would take such pains to defame a religion.

ME: What pains?

K: You know like circumcision, bowing your body like 5 times a day, riding camels when you have cars available….

ME: I am telling you the truth, Muslims always tell the truth.

K: Really? Always?

ME: Yes, always except when we have to convert some one or get our job done; it is called Taqqiyyya….Oops did I say Taqqiyya!

K: I guess you did. Hey I have to leave now, I am getting late for dinner….

ME: Why?

K: I have to meet some Jewish friends for dinner.

ME: Oh no! Do you know that they are not human?

K: What?

ME: Yes they are apes and monkeys; Allah has said so in the Quran: And ye know of those of you who broke the Sabbath, how We said unto them: Be ye apes, despised and hated! [2:65]

The Jews that you see today are actually descendants of monkeys and apes.

K: It’s surprising to see that descendants of Apes could achieve so much; I mean no one community of people has given the world so many scientists, tycoons, intellectuals, artists. I mean …

ME: Shut up and listen to my superior Islamic logic. All this is a myth of the Zionist media. Do you know that Einstein, Shakespeare, Eisenhower, Beethoven and even Jesus were all Muslims?

K: Now that is a bit too much of hot gas…

ME: No gas, it’s true. It has been written in a book written by a Muslim; so, it has to be true, because I told you before that Muslims don’t lie.

K: Okay do you at least believe that the Holocaust was true?

ME; No, it another myth of the Zionist media.

K: And you are the honest one?

ME: Yes!

K: I am sorry to say son, you are nothing but a lying hypocrite.

ME: No I am not a hypocrite, people who don’t believe in Islam are hypocrites.

K: I am not talking about Islam; I am talking about the general sense of the word.

ME: But Allah decides the general sense of the word, not you.

K: Hey listen, your Islam is the most discriminatory religion; you guys don’t even allow non-Muslims in your Mecca and Medina.

ME: Well Allah said that non–Muslims are unclean.

K: Do you sometimes use your brains or always follow what Allah tells you?

ME: No, I always follow Allah.

K: Great, you know what you really made my day buddy. Son you can be a great standup comedian. I mean seriously your superior Islamic logic is unbeatable.

ME: Thank you I knew that you would bow down to the superior Islamic logic. Do you want more?

K: Thanks son! I guess I’ve had enough for the rest of my life. I think, I’ll go back home now and take a nap to get over with your logical Nuclear Bomb.

Obligatory Poe’s Law Disclaimer

This article is a satire

Really?

Nod: Islam Watch

Posted in Comedy, Islam | Tagged: , , , , | Leave a Comment »

Unintended Consequences?

Posted by Godefroi on December 8, 2008

Hmmm….

See what Obama has done? He has taken a pro-gun control Republican who never liked guns at all and made me a gun owner, gun rights, and gun carrying anti-gun control chick.

And judging from the buiness at the store, I’m not alone.

BAH-HA-HA-HA!!!

Ahem…sorry.  That’s from Right Wing Sparkle.

H/T: Headline thingy at Ace.

Posted in Comedy, Food for Thought | Tagged: , , | 2 Comments »

Nobama, Part 6,247

Posted by Godefroi on July 2, 2008

From the comments at AT.

Can we now call the demagoguery we used to impune [sic!] Hillary over NAFTA simply “overheated rhetoric”…..

“YES WE CAN”!

Can we reverse our support for gun control laws, and their concomitant ideology…..

“YES WE CAN”

Can we reverse our position on the death penalty….

“YES WE CAN”!

Can we reverse our position on public financing of political campaigns, and offer a series of lame excuses that insult our intelligence…..

“YES WE CAN”!

Can we throw anyone who we have previously allied with, for political expedience, under the bus, once they become embarrassing, unpopular, or simply are no longer useful…..

“YES WE CAN”!

Can we suddenly decide that we must have preconditions before meeting with Ahmedi-Najad; WHEN WE PUBLICLY STATED THAT NONE WERE REQUIRED BEFORE…….

“YES WE CAN”!

Can we do whatever it takes to gain power in the fall……

“YES WE CAN”!

Can we do everything in our power to conceal our Marxist agenda, with the help of the mainstream media, by appearing to be a moderate…….

“YES WE CAN”!

Money quote follows:

What a pusillanimous, palavering, popinjay….

And the call to action.

Can we do all we can to defeat comrade Obama in the fall……

“YES WE CAN”!!!!!!!

 Pusillanimous, Palavering Popinjay – hilarious.

Posted in Comedy, Nobama, Politics | Tagged: , , | Leave a Comment »

The Clincher?

Posted by Godefroi on June 4, 2008

Marc Ambinder reports:

04 Jun 2008 09:39 am

Matt Burns, the spokesman for the GOP convention in St. Paul e-mails to say that the RNC’s convention office in St. Paul has received numerous telephone calls in the last few hours from people who identify themselves as Clinton supporters asking how they can help Sen. McCain.

BWAH-HAH-HAH-HAH!!!

Posted in Comedy, Politics | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

This. Is. Awesome.

Posted by Godefroi on February 14, 2008

OK…OK…I know, only God is AWESOME.

Still, this offering from the warped mind of Iowahawk is outstanding.  Thanks to Clarice Feldman at American Thinker.

1  Whan in Februar, withe hise global warmynge

2  Midst unseasonabyl rain and stormynge

3  Gaia in hyr heat encourages

4  Englande folke to goon pilgrimages.

5  Frome everiches farme and shire

6  Frome London Towne and Lancanshire

7  The pilgryms toward Canterbury wended

8  Wyth fyve weke holiday leave extended

9  In hybryd Prius and Subaru

10  Off the Boughton Bypasse, east on M2.

11  Fouer and Twyntie theye came to seke

12  The Arche-Bishop, wyse and meke

13  Labouryte and hippye, Gaye and Greene

14  Anti-warre and libertyne

15  All sondry folke urbayne and progressyve

16  Vexed by Musselmans aggressyve.

17  Hie and thither to the Arche-Bishop’s manse

18  The pilgryms ryde and fynde perchance

19  The hooly Bishop takynge tea

20  Whilste watching himselfe on BBC.

21  Heere was a hooly manne of peace

22  Withe bearyd of snow and wyld brows of fleece

23  Whilhom stoode athwart the Bush crusades

24   Withe peace march papier-mache paraydes.

25  Sayeth the pilgryms to Bishop Rowan,

26  “Father, we do not like howe thynges are goin’.

27  You know we are as Lefte as thee,

28  But of layte have beyn chaunced to see

29  From Edinburgh to London-towne

30  The Musslemans in burnoose gowne

31  Who beat theyr ownselfs with theyr knyves

32  Than goon home and beat theyr wyves

33  And slaye theyr daughtyrs in honour killlynge

34  Howe do we stoppe the bloode fromme spillynge?”

35  The Bishop sipped upon hys tea

36  And sayed, “an open mind must we

37  Keep, for know thee well the Mussel-man

38  Has hys own laws for hys own clan

39  So question not hys Muslim reason

40  And presaerve ye well social cohesion.”

41  Sayth the libertine, “’tis well and goode

42  But sharia goes now where nae it should;

43  I liketh bigge buttes and I cannot lye,

44  You othere faelows can’t denye,

45  But the council closed my wenching pub,

46  To please the Imams, aye thaere’s the rub.”

Hilarity in satire.  Wonderful.  Go read the rest.  🙂

Posted in Anti-dhimmitude, Comedy | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

The supremacy of the Islamic mind

Posted by Godefroi on November 16, 2007

From an article at Front Page, based on an Al Jazeera program, provided by MEMRI, below is part of the exchange between Syrian author Nidhal Na’isa and Egyptian cleric Sheikh Ibrahim Al-Khouli. I post it to highlight what I’ve noticed as a common thread among Islamists; that is, that the beneficence and wonder of Islam (currently and historically) is beyond question…and that if you do even remotely question it, then you’re blind idiot, period. That a person (ostensibly) of intelligence can close his mind SO TIGHTLY against any possibility of his being mistaken is a frightening, and yet humorous, phenomenon.

Ibrahim Al-Khoulib: “When they [Muslims – GdB] entered Andalusia, they brought Europe out of the darkness of the Middle Ages. [First crazy statement – as noted by Fjordman here, much of the science of ancient Greece was copied, translated, and then ignored by the Muslims. If they brought knowledge to Europe via Spain, it was entirely by accident.] They established a civilization for which the Spaniards still long today. [Only the Muslim Spaniards.] Spain found itself under the burden of the fanaticism and racism of Ferdinand, Pope Urban, and others, and so the Spaniards lament the loss of that heritage. [What is the basis for this statement?] The Jews who immigrated [sic] and founded America [Jews founded America? That’s not what this says] excelled in comparison with the other immigrants, because they stole the heritage of the Muslims.” [I would be very interested to find out what he thinks Jews stole from Muslims. Jewish traditions still in practice today obviously predate Islam]

Here’s where it starts to get good…where the esteemed sheikh starts losing it.

“In Andalusia, which you say, the Muslims conquered by the sword, they left a civilization unparalleled throughout history to this day. [Again, no facts, just broad statements] Western civilization is not really a civilization, brother.”

Nidhal Na’isa: “Western civilization is not really a civilization?”

Ibrahim Al-Khoulib: “You listen to me! You listen to me!” [I get the feeling that this guy’s not accustomed to being questioned]

This part’s the best.

Nidhal Na’isa: “Exactly. You are talking about Andalusia. Dr. Ibrahim, my dear friend, you must open your mind and enlighten yourself.”

Ibrahim Al-Khoulib: “Enlighten yourself! I enlighten you, not the other way around, boy!

Nidhal Na’isa: “You are a boy yourself. You listen to me.”

Ibrahim Al-Khoulib: “You are a boy compared to me.”

Nidhal Na’isa: “And you’re a boy compared to me too.”

[I’m not sure I like the tactic Na’isa is using here, simply returning the same insult back to the issuer. It’s probably not very effective, other than severely for irritating the belligerent party]

Interviewer: “Please, do not…”

Nidhal Na’isa: “I just want to open his mind.”

Ibrahim Al-Khoulib: “I need my mind opened?! You have the brains of an ant, compared to me.”

A refreshingly mature dialog, don’t you think? 😉

 

Posted in Comedy, Generic Stuff | Leave a Comment »

Funny

Posted by Godefroi on October 6, 2007

A little CAIR-bashing fun for the weekend.

B.A.I.R

Posted in Comedy, Food for Thought, Politics | Tagged: | Leave a Comment »